Story Time…

Story time.

I haven’t written a blog in years. And the last one was, funny enough, also on grief, more specifically, also on the grief over the death of my little sister. But today, God has reminded me of a special moment in her last days that I feel prompted to share, moments I have not shared with many, but I think the world could stand to hear right now. So here goes…

My sister lay in agony, unable to speak anymore, the only sounds escaping were ones I wish I couldn’t remember, ones of suffering, ones that didn’t sound like her. It was a far cry from the Monday before, when she and I went down to Emory University Hospital for bloodwork. She’d been funny as ever, even made a joke about smoking weed to feel better around my teen daughter. I remember she cut her eyes to me the moment she realized she probably shouldn’t have admitted that out loud while my daughter was with us. But we all busted out laughing.

What did I care that she was smoking weed to help the pain the cancer was causing? We knew it would be the death of her, and though we weren’t fully accepting it yet, we still had time. It was September. We had at least another Christmas with my hilarious, confident, one-of-a-kind little sister. We were going to plan a trip for this Christmas. Do something fun like go to the Biltmore. And if smoking weed kept her around longer, so be it (save your judgment, please). And if my daughter knew about it, so what? This was real life. This was the reality of death and cancer.

But a week later, she lay on her deathbed. Hospice was on the way. That’s how fast cancer can change things. That’s how fast the enemy can torture you. So you think you have another Christmas? Haha, I’ll show you…

I had brought my prayer journal and Bible to her house. And as I sat next to her bed, just her and I in the room, her in agony (she didn’t have enough pain medication yet), I did the only thing I knew to help.

Read her verses.

I opened up Psalms. And just started reading.

And guess what?

Her body calmed down.

I promise you. Right before my very eyes. Her body softened, like the torture it was enduring loosened, softened enough to relax. So I kept reading. She still couldn’t speak. But she was listening.

I don’t have any knowledge of what verse I started on, but eventually I made it to Psalm 42: 5-6a (NIRV) which says, “My spirit, why are you so sad? Why are you so upset deep down inside me? Put your hope in God. Once again I will have reason to praise him. He is my Savior and my God.”

Now, I’m reading these verses through tears already, but once I get to these, I’m crying because they are speaking to me so closely it’s like Jesus is whispering to both her and me, telling me, “My love, I’ve got you. You are heartbroken. But hope in me and there will always be reason to praise Me for the good things coming your way. This sadness will subside. You will heal. You will be okay. And I will have Leelee with Me.”  

And it was like these verses were saying to her, “Baby, the pain in your body and of this world is almost over. Put your hope in Me. I’m about to give you reason to praise Me for eternity. I am your Savior. Your God. The party is waiting for you.”

What’s more is I kept reading, and these verses repeat two more times in Psalm 42:11 and Psalm 43:5. If you don’t know anything about repetition in the Bible, the use of a phrase three times is always to emphasize its importance and significance. Knowing this made this repetitive structure stand out even more to me. And having read the book of Psalms many, many times in my life, I have never recalled reading these verses before. Now, God is incredible like that with His Living Word, able to bring His words alive in moments when you need them, to stand out exactly when you need them to. And they did. They comforted both her and me in different ways. Through my tears and through her quieted body, they spoke to us.

As I read in my bible study this morning, it posed this question: When has a word from God brought you up from a low and desperate place? And that time on my sister’s bedside with those Psalms from 42 and 43 popped into my mind. But maybe they are now for you, too. This world is a low and desperate place. Are you sad and upset in the very depths of your soul? I am. I have found myself there again lately while looking at social media and watching the news. Put your hope in Him. He will give you reason to PRAISE again. He is your SAVIOR and GOD.

One more thing I will mention for this story time… because it is a miracle that some of you may need to hear right now. We all need to know miracles happen. They can happen for you, too. Remember, my sister could not speak during this time, but as I sat reading verses, at one point, with her body still enough to focus, she looked directly in my eyes, and mouthed, slowly so I could catch it fully, I… love… you. Plain as day. Clear as the water in the Gulf of Mexico. A miracle. A special moment Jesus sent to me.

And I said with a smile and tears. “I love you too.”

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